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Share your jokes and riddles here....

Discussion in 'Literature' started by Oluomoadebayo, Oct 27, 2016.

  1. O.tayo

    O.tayo Active Member

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    Teacher: What is a Verb?
    Peter: A Verb is a valve found in bicycle tyre.
    Teacher: What are you saying?
    Peter: It is a complete sentence sir.
    Teacher: Are you mad?
    Peter: It is a question sir. Teacher: Don't be
    stupid.
    Peter: It is an advice sir.
    Teacher: Stop that nonsense.
    Peter: It is a command sir.
    Teacher: You're an idiot.
    Peter: It is an insult sir. Teacher: Get out of my
    class.
    Peter: It is an order sir.
    Teacher: Oh! Goodness, What a boy!
    Peter: It is an exclamation sir.
    Teacher: May God have mercy on you.
    Peter: It is a prayer sir
     
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  2. Ifeoluwa Dorcas

    Ifeoluwa Dorcas New Member

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    *OYINBO HAS DONE IT AGAIN*
    You can now check your weight on your phone;
    just dial *158#, put your phone on the ground
    then stand on it, if you want accurate reading,
    just jump on it and quickly check out the
    readings.
    *No need to thank me for this info*.
    Haba!!!
    What are we friends for!
     
  3. Ifeoluwa Dorcas

    Ifeoluwa Dorcas New Member

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    Laugh Small Jhorr

    A girl was with her
    father when she
    saw her boyfriend
    coming

    GIRL: Have you come
    to collect your book
    titled "DADDY IS AT
    HOME?" by Ngozi
    Okafor

    BOY: No, I want that
    your hymn book
    called "WHERE
    SHOULD I WAIT FOR
    YOU?"

    GIRL: I don't have
    that one but maybe
    you should take
    the other one titled
    "UNDER THE MANGO
    TREE" by
    Chimamanda Adichie

    BOY: Fine, but don't
    forget to bring "I
    WILL CALL YOU IN 5
    MINUTES" while
    coming to school

    GIRL: I will also bring
    you a new one too
    titled"I WON'T LET
    YOU DOWN" by
    Chinua Achebe
    Then;

    DAD: Those books
    are too many, will
    he read them all

    GIRL: Yes dad, he is
    very smart &
    intelligent

    DAD: Okay don't
    forget to give him
    the one on the table
    titled "I AM NOT
    STUPID, I
    UNDERSTOOD
    EVERYTHING YOU'VE
    BEEN SAYING" by
    Shakespeare! And
    also the one on the
    dinning table titled
    "IF YOU GET
    PREGNANT PREPARE
    TO GET MARRIED"
    by Wole Soyinka

    GIRL: Chai !...This is "One chance" by O' Tayo
     
  4. Gertn

    Gertn Active Member

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    A student failed JAMB 5 times, One day, She traveled to visit her friend at UNILORIN. she fell sick & was admitted to a hospital there. She later called her MUM & said .......
    GIRL: Hello mum
    MUM: The place is silent, where are u? I'm in UNILORIN
    MUM: Oluwa o se oo.
    GIRL: I was admited
    MUM: Jesu o se oo, Olorun ti doju ti Ogun idile wa tiko fe ki o kawe. ( Laughing & dancing)
    GIRL: Malaria ni.
    MUM: Malaria ni course tiwon fun e? Course gidi ni o, Ki o kawe e daadaa o. kare OMO daadaa.
    MUM: But I would be discharge tomorrow.
    MUM: Olohun o ni je oo, 6years lo ma lo loruko Jesu.
    Please if you are the girl. please what will u do? when you reach home? I need your comment....
     
  5. Oluomoadebayo

    Oluomoadebayo Moderator Staff Member

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    14 Days before Christmas


    Wife: Honey Xmas is approaching.

    Hus: Thanks for reminding me. Can't wait.

    Wife: Get me a Tablet for Xmas.

    Hus: Really?

    Wife: Yeah.

    Hus: Paracetamol or Vitamin C?

    Wife: I mean Samsung Tablet or Ipad babe

    Hus: Relax! It's Jesus Birthday not yours!
     
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  6. O.tayo

    O.tayo Active Member

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    Teacher: What is a baby lizard
    called?
    Student: a baby lizard is called lizzybaby.
     
  7. Oluomoadebayo

    Oluomoadebayo Moderator Staff Member

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  8. Gertn

    Gertn Active Member

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    Aftermath of Christmas and new year grooving and flexing..

    By Jan.... No period
    By Feb .. Symptoms
    By Feb ending... Rush for N20- N50 pregnant test tube
    By March, all the Chemist shops selling abortion peels will enter their season and all the 'quack' docs will be up and doing..
    By may, we will know the successful ones..
    By September to October, we will have new entries to the world of baby mamas..

    By then, all the Malaysian guys, 'fake-accent' USA guys and 'money miss-road' guys' lines / numbers won't be available...
    Keep watching
     
  9. Oluomoadebayo

    Oluomoadebayo Moderator Staff Member

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    Intelligent Husband
    .
    Wife was busy in packing her clothes.
    .
    Husband - Where are you going ?
    .
    Wife - I'm moving to my mother.
    .
    Husband also starts packing his clothes.
    .
    Wife - Now where are you going ?
    .
    Husband - I'm also moving to my mother.
    .
    Wife - And what about the kids ?
    .
    Husband - Well I guess ... If you are moving to your mother and I'm moving to my mother ... They should move to their mother.
    .
    Clothes unpacked.
    Pls read n donot delete u will have a smile on your face

    Short Facts......

    ☀☀☀☀☀☀☀☀☀

    Wife : "why are u home so early?"

    Hubby : "My boss said go to hell!"

    ◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆ ◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆

    Doctor : How is ur headache ?
    Patient : she's out of town.

    ◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆ ◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆

    No Man Can Ever Be Satisfied with 4 things in life:
    (1) Mobile
    (2) Automobile
    (3) TV
    (4) Wife
    Because, there is always a
    better model in neighborhood

    ◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆ ◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆

    Compromising does not mean you are wrong and your wife is right.

    It only means that the safety of your head is much more important than your ego!

    ◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆ ◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆

    Whisky is a brilliant invention.

    One double and you start feeling single again.

    ◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆ ◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆

    It is said that when a woman closes her eyes, she sees the person she love the most and when a man does that.

    The slide show begins.

    ◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆ ◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆

    Funny quote on a husband`s T-Shirt:

    All girls are devils,
    but my wife is the queen of them.

    ◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆ ◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆

    Q - You know why women love shoes?

    Ans - Because no matter how much & whatever they eat , the shoes always fit..

    ◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆ ◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆

    Q - Why can't Women Drive well?
    Ans - Because there are so many mirrors in a car to distract them..

    ◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆ ◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆

    Q - Why can't Women stand a day in a Jungle? ⛺

    Ans - There are no Shopping Centers..

    ◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆ ◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆

    Q - How to save a Dying Woman?

    Ans - Tell her about a 90% Sale going on somewhere..

    ◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆ ◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆

    Q - If a Woman is Quiet, which day is it?
    Ans - Who Cares, just Enjoy that Day..

    ◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆ ◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆

    The woman who invented the phrase ...
    "All men are the same"
    was a Chinese woman who lost her husband in a crowd.

    ◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆ ◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆

    There are 3 kinds of men in this
    world.
    Some remain single and make
    wonders happen.
    Some have girlfriends and see wonders happen.
    Rest get married and wonder what happened....

    ◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆ ◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆

    Wives are magicians........

    They can change anything into an argument.

    ◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆ ◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆

    Women live a Better, Longer &
    Peaceful Life, as compared to men.
    WHY?
    A very INTELLIGENT man replied:
    Women don't have a wife!

    ◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆ ◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆

    Send this to all men for a good laugh and to all the women who can handle it...
     
  10. Oluomoadebayo

    Oluomoadebayo Moderator Staff Member

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    I was eating pepper soup jejely and enjoying my water around 4pm, a man entered the restaurant with a brief case. I guess he was a big politician bcos his dressing and pot belly portrays it. He walked and sat down as everybody looked at him.

    Suddenly a woman came to him and started crying. The woman knelt down and told him dat her children and her want to die of hunger since her husband died. This man opened the brief case and gave dis woman five hundred thousand naira. D woman jumped up and left d scene in happiness.

    I was still watching wen anoda man started crying and came to him. He knelt down and beggged him dat he needed money to establish his bizness. This man brought out ten million naira cheque (#10,000,000.00)and gave this man.

    This time, i started murmuring and practicing on the lie I would blow to have my own national cake. I started crying and went to the man. Immediately I knelt down,

    I heard "Cut!! Cut!! Cut!!". I turned and saw the director of the movie. He laughed and said " na movie we dey shoot here" oo .

    Hahahahahah shame wan kill me. Chaii!!
    Economy recession no go kill person.
     
  11. Oluomoadebayo

    Oluomoadebayo Moderator Staff Member

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    Once upon a time, there was this little sparrow, who while flying south for the winter froze solid and fell to the ground. And then to make matters worse the cow crapped on him, but the manure was all warm and it defrosted him. So there he is, he's warm and he's happy to be alive and he starts to sing. A hungry cat comes along and he clears off the manure and he looks at the little bird and then he eats him. And the moral of the story is this: everyone who craps on you is not necessarily your enemy, and everyone who gets you out of crap is not necessarily your friend, and if you're warm and happy no matter where you are you should just keep your big mouth shut.
     

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